The truth is when it comes to creating REAL change there are only two forces that really drive us:-
Inspired Action - When something ignites such a powerful force inside you that you will do whatever it takes to succeed. You will overcome whatever obstacle is in your way - internal or external, in order to achieve your goal. Desperate Action - When you get to the stage where you say, "That`s it. I`ve had enough. I`m not going to put up with this any more!"
It seems that for most people significant change only takes place when the pain of inaction becomes greater than the pain of taking action! Then, and only then will they begin to move forward.
If you really want to galvanise yourself you can combine both strategies. Visualise the long term pain of not changing and at the same time get a very clear picture and feeling of the pleasure of achieving your goal.
(N.B. It`s important to associate extreme pain to inaction and the maintenance of the status quo and extreme pleasure to moving forward and attaining your goal).
It doesn`t matter which force drives you as long as you get the right result. It`s truly amazing what you can achieve when you have a big enough WHY. Here`s a brilliantly powerful and moving example.....
"Cheer up. Stop worrying. Don’t work so hard. Good advice for a long life?" As it turns out, no. In a groundbreaking study of personality as a predictor of longevity, University of California, Riverside researchers found just the opposite.
"It's surprising just how often common assumptions -- by both scientists and the media -- are wrong," said Howard S. Friedman, distinguished professor of psychology who led the 20-year study.
Friedman and Martin examined, refined and supplemented data gathered by the late Stanford University psychologist Louis Terman and subsequent researchers on more than 1,500 bright children who were about 10 years old when they were first studied in 1921. "Probably our most amazing finding was that personality characteristics and social relations from childhood can predict one's risk of dying decades later," Friedman concluded.
The Longevity Project, as the study became known, followed the children through their lives, collecting information that included family histories and relationships, teacher and parent ratings of personality, hobbies, pet ownership, job success, education levels, military service and numerous other details.
"When we started, we were frustrated with the state of research about individual differences, stress, health and longevity," Friedman recalled. "It was clear that some people were more prone to disease, took longer to recover, or died sooner, while others of the same age were able to thrive. All sorts of explanations were being proposed -- anxiety, lack of exercise, nerve-racking careers, risk-taking, lack of religion, unsociability, disintegrating social groups, pessimism, poor access to medical care, and Type A behavior patterns." But none were well-studied over the long term. That is, none followed people step-by-step throughout their lives.
When Friedman and Martin began their research in 1991, they planned to spend six months examining predictors of health and longevity among the Terman participants.
But the project continued over the next two decades -- funded in part by the National Institute on Aging -- and the team eventually involved more than 100 graduate and undergraduate students who tracked down death certificates, evaluated interviews, and analyzed tens of thousands of pages of information about the Terman participants through the years.
"We came to a new understanding about happiness and health," said Martin, now a psychology professor at La Sierra University in Riverside.
"One of the findings that really astounds people, including us, is that the Longevity Project participants who were the most cheerful and had the best sense of humor as kids lived shorter lives, on average, than those who were less cheerful and joking. It was the most prudent and persistent individuals who stayed healthiest and lived the longest."
Part of the explanation lies in health behaviors -- the cheerful, happy-go-lucky kids tended to take more risks with their health across the years, Friedman noted. While an optimistic approach can be helpful in a crisis, "we found that as a general life-orientation, too much of a sense that 'everything will be just fine' can be dangerous because it can lead one to be careless about things that are important to health and long life. Prudence and persistence, however, led to a lot of important benefits for many years. It turns out that happiness is not a root cause of good health. Instead, happiness and health go together because they have common roots."
Many of the UCR findings fly in the face of conventional wisdom. For example:
Marriage may be good for men's health, but doesn't really matter for women. Steadily married men -- those who remained in long-term marriages -- were likely to live to age 70 and beyond; fewer than one-third of divorced men were likely to live to 70; and men who never married outlived those who remarried and significantly outlived those who divorced -- but they did not live as long as married men.
Being divorced is much less harmful to women's health. Women who divorced and did not remarry lived nearly as long as those who were steadily married.
"Don't work too hard, don't stress," doesn't work as advice for good health and long life. Terman subjects who were the most involved and committed to their jobs did the best. Continually productive men and women lived much longer than their more laid-back comrades.
Starting formal schooling too early -- being in first grade before age 6 -- is a risk factor for earlier mortality. Having sufficient playtime and being able to relate to classmates is very important for children.
Playing with pets is not associated with longer life. Pets may sometimes improve well-being, but they are not a substitute for friends.
Combat veterans are less likely to live long lives, but surprisingly the psychological stress of war itself is not necessarily a major health threat. Rather, it is a cascade of unhealthy patterns that sometimes follows. Those who find meaning in a traumatic experience and are able to reestablish a sense of security about the world are usually the ones who return to a healthy pathway.
People who feel loved and cared for report a better sense of well-being, but it doesn't help them live longer. The clearest health benefit of social relationships comes from being involved with and helping others. The groups you associate with often determine the type of person you become -- healthy or unhealthy.
It's never too late to choose a healthier path, Friedman and Martin said. The first step is to throw away the lists and stop worrying about worrying.
"Some of the minutiae of what people think will help us lead long, healthy lives, such as worrying about the ratio of omega-6 to omega-3 fatty acids in the foods we eat, actually are red herrings, distracting us from the major pathways," Friedman said. "When we recognize the long-term healthy and unhealthy patterns in ourselves, we can begin to maximize the healthy patterns."
"Thinking of making changes as taking 'steps' is a great strategy," Martin advised. "You can't change major things about yourself overnight. But making small changes, and repeating those steps, can eventually create that path to longer life."
It`s interesting to note that most people I meet can`t wait to stop work. They talk of retiring and some actually want to do nothing, not realising that the research indicates that would be the worst thing possible!You can`t argue with the facts - here`s someone who has achieved extraordinary things and is very clear about what he considers the 3 keys to longevity:-
Next time you ever begin to say, "I`m too old for...." watch this!
“Be the change you want to see in the world.” Ghandi
A speaker friend of mine has always maintained that ultimately everybody wants the same thing. We all want to feel good. I think he`s right. But imagine if everyone decided to get that feeling by giving it to others first. If you`ve ever been involved in a "random act of kindness" you`ll know exactly what I mean. During an 8 month motorcycle road trip down the Pan American highway I was overwhelmed by the kindness and help I was given by total strangers, so whenever I had an opportunity I decided to pay it forward by helping out others I met on the road. It is a beautiful, simple but profound process. And you know what? It could change the world. Ghandi was right. One step at a time, one person at a time. It`s only a belief away. There will still be the cynics of course, but it`s already happening despite them. Here`s what Sandi Mann, a psychologist has to say:-
"My Facebook pal, Debbie, in America was at a drive-thru Starbucks the other day. Nothing unusual in that, but this time, when she put her order in, she was informed that the car in front of her had paid her bill. The car in front had 'paid it forward' - a concept that refers to the random acts of kindness whereby people do something nice for someone else in the hope that this good deed will be 'paid forward' and inspire the lucky recipient to carry out their own random acts of kindness to others.
Paying it forward is not a concept that has gathered huge momentum in the UK, but apparently is quite a big thing on the other side of the Pond. I think if some random stranger paid for my coffee here in Manchester, my reaction would be more suspicious than grateful; we in the UK, are simply not used to strangers performing arbitrary acts of kindness for us. Strangers in this country are not renowned for letting us cut in front of them when trying to make a right turn in rush hour, or stopping to let us cross the road (I once counted 34 cars pass me and my kids by before one kind soul slowed to let us cross)... buying us coffee? Not a chance!
But, imagine, if the Pay it Forward campaign caught on here. Imagine if we did buy people we don't even know, drinks, or complimented random strangers on the train on their clothes, or left encouraging post-it notes in library books, or put change in expired parking meters? Would it make our world a nicer place? Could we really spread happiness; would our random act of kindness really inspire others to 'pay it forward'?
According to a study by Stanford University psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky in 2005, students who carried out five random acts of kindness a week, reported higher levels of happiness than a control group. That I can understand; we feel good when we do good because we feel that we have made a positive contribution to society and we experience what psychologist call 'moral elevation'. But, can these good deeds really spread, and inspire recipients to perform their own acts of kindness?
Well, yes, apparently they can. According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology recently, even reading about acts of kindness can evoke this moral elevation, never mind being the actual recipient of these acts. And people who have moral elevation are more likely to perform good deeds themselves. This is because if we feel we are 'good', we do 'good' things in order to reinforce this view of our self.
Thus, if someone lets me out into the traffic during rush-hour, I am more likely to let the next car in. If someone does something nice for me, I am likely to do something nice for someone else. It's basic psychology. It also ensures that we obey the 'law of reciprocity', which is a very powerful psychological pull we experience when someone gives us something or does something for us; we yearn to return the favour somehow (which is why charities often send us free gifts like pens or stickers - they hope we will be unable to resist the yen to reciprocate their kindness).
So, what are we all waiting for? We have the power to make the world a better place by one random act of kindness. The next time you are in the coffee shop picking up your latte on the way to work, why not pick up the tab for the customer behind you; you never know what it could lead to."
Source: Sandi Mann
http://payitforwardday.com/ April 25th 2013
"There's only one rule I know of ... you've got to be kind." -- Kurt Vonnegut
