How to perform better under stress

Now we know that stress can actually shrink your brain, it might be a good idea to learn some strategies to deal more effectively with it! In this brilliant article, award winning author Dr. Travis Bradberry, PhD shows you 10 things that successful people do to stay calm.

 The ability to manage your emotions and remain calm under pressure has a direct link to your performance. TalentSmart has conducted research with more than a million people, and we’ve found that 90% of top performers are skilled at managing their emotions in times of stress in order to remain calm and in control.

If you follow our newsletter, you’ve read some startling research summaries that explore the havoc stress can wreak on one’s physical and mental health (such as the Yale study, which found that prolonged stress causes degeneration in the area of the brain responsible for self-control). The tricky thing about stress (and the anxiety that comes with it) is that it’s an absolutely necessary emotion. Our brains are wired such that it’s difficult to take action until we feel at least some level of this emotional state. In fact, performance peaks under the heightened activation that comes with moderate levels of stress. As long as the stress isn’t prolonged, it’s harmless.

New research from the University of California, Berkeley, reveals an upside to experiencing moderate levels of stress. But it also reinforces how important it is to keep stress under control. The study, led by post-doctoral fellow Elizabeth Kirby, found that the onset of stress entices the brain into growing new cells responsible for improved memory. However, this effect is only seen when stress is intermittent. As soon as the stress continues beyond a few moments into a prolonged state, it suppresses the brain’s ability to develop new cells.

“I think intermittent stressful events are probably what keeps the brain more alert, and you perform better when you are alert,” Kirby says. For animals, intermittent stress is the bulk of what they experience, in the form of physical threats in their immediate environment. Long ago, this was also the case for humans. As the human brain evolved and increased in complexity, we’ve developed the ability to worry and perseverate on events, which creates frequent experiences of prolonged stress.

Besides increasing your risk of heart disease, depression, and obesity, stress decreases your cognitive performance. Fortunately, though, unless a lion is chasing you, the bulk of your stress is subjective and under your control. Top performers have well-honed coping strategies that they employ under stressful circumstances. This lowers their stress levels regardless of what’s happening in their environment, ensuring that the stress they experience is intermittent and not prolonged.

While I’ve run across numerous effective strategies that successful people employ when faced with stress, what follows are ten of the best. Some of these strategies may seem obvious, but the real challenge lies in recognizing when you need to use them and having the wherewithal to actually do so in spite of your stress.

They Appreciate What They Have

Taking time to contemplate what you’re grateful for isn’t merely the “right” thing to do. It also improves your mood, because it reduces the stress hormone cortisol by 23%. Research conducted at the University of California, Davis found that people who worked daily to cultivate an attitude of gratitude experienced improved mood, energy, and physical well-being. It’s likely that lower levels of cortisol played a major role in this.

They Avoid Asking “What If?”

“What if?” statements throw fuel on the fire of stress and worry. Things can go in a million different directions, and the more time you spend worrying about the possibilities, the less time you’ll spend focusing on taking action that will calm you down and keep your stress under control. Calm people know that asking “what if? will only take them to a place they don’t want—or need—to go.

They Stay Positive

Positive thoughts help make stress intermittent by focusing your brain’s attention onto something that is completely stress-free. You have to give your wandering brain a little help by consciously selecting something positive to think about. Any positive thought will do to refocus your attention. When things are going well, and your mood is good, this is relatively easy. When things are going poorly, and your mind is flooded with negative thoughts, this can be a challenge. In these moments, think about your day and identify one positive thing that happened, no matter how small. If you can't think of something from the current day, reflect on the previous day or even the previous week. Or perhaps you’re looking forward to an exciting event that you can focus your attention on. The point here is that you must have something positive that you're ready to shift your attention to when your thoughts turn negative.

They Disconnect

Given the importance of keeping stress intermittent, it’s easy to see how taking regular time off the grid can help keep your stress under control. When you make yourself available to your work 24/7, you expose yourself to a constant barrage of stressors. Forcing yourself offline and even—gulp!—turning off your phone gives your body a break from a constant source of stress. Studies have shown that something as simple as an email break can lower stress levels.

Technology enables constant communication and the expectation that you should be available 24/7. It is extremely difficult to enjoy a stress-free moment outside of work when an email that will change your train of thought and get you thinking (read: stressing) about work can drop onto your phone at any moment. If detaching yourself from work-related communication on weekday evenings is too big a challenge, then how about the weekend? Choose blocks of time where you cut the cord and go offline. You’ll be amazed at how refreshing these breaks are and how they reduce stress by putting a mental recharge into your weekly schedule. If you’re worried about the negative repercussions of taking this step, first try doing it at times when you’re unlikely to be contacted—maybe Sunday morning. As you grow more comfortable with it, and as your coworkers begin to accept the time you spend offline, gradually expand the amount of time you spend away from technology.

They Limit Their Caffeine Intake

Drinking caffeine triggers the release of adrenaline. Adrenaline is the source of the “fight-or-flight” response, a survival mechanism that forces you to stand up and fight or run for the hills when faced with a threat. The fight-or-flight mechanism sidesteps rational thinking in favor of a faster response. This is great when a bear is chasing you, but not so great when you’re responding to a curt email. When caffeine puts your brain and body into this hyperaroused state of stress, your emotions overrun your behavior. The stress that caffeine creates is far from intermittent, as its long half-life ensures that it takes its sweet time working its way out of your body.

They Sleep

I’ve beaten this one to death over the years and can’t say enough about the importance of sleep to increasing your emotional intelligence and managing your stress levels. When you sleep, your brain literally recharges, shuffling through the day’s memories and storing or discarding them (which causes dreams), so that you wake up alert and clear-headed. Your self-control, attention, and memory are all reduced when you don’t get enough—or the right kind—of sleep. Sleep deprivation raises stress hormone levels on its own, even without a stressor present. Stressful projects often make you feel as if you have no time to sleep, but taking the time to get a decent night’s sleep is often the one thing keeping you from getting things under control.

They Squash Negative Self-Talk

A big step in managing stress involves stopping negative self-talk in its tracks. The more you ruminate on negative thoughts, the more power you give them. Most of our negative thoughts are just that—thoughts, not facts. When you find yourself believing the negative and pessimistic things, your inner voice says, “It's time to stop and write them down.” Literally stop what you're doing and write down what you're thinking. Once you've taken a moment to slow down the negative momentum of your thoughts, you will be more rational and clear-headed in evaluating their veracity.

You can bet that your statements aren’t true any time you use words like “never,” “worst,” “ever,” etc. If your statements still look like facts once they’re on paper, take them to a friend or colleague you trust and see if he or she agrees with you. Then the truth will surely come out. When it feels like something always or never happens, this is just your brain’s natural threat tendency inflating the perceived frequency or severity of an event. Identifying and labeling your thoughts as thoughts by separating them from the facts will help you escape the cycle of negativity and move toward a positive new outlook.

They Reframe Their Perspective

Stress and worry are fueled by our own skewed perception of events. It’s easy to think that unrealistic deadlines, unforgiving bosses, and out-of-control traffic are the reasons we’re so stressed all the time. You can’t control your circumstances, but you can control how you respond to them. So before you spend too much time dwelling on something, take a minute to put the situation in perspective. If you aren’t sure when you need to do this, try looking for clues that your anxiety may not be proportional to the stressor. If you’re thinking in broad, sweeping statements such as “Everything is going wrong” or “Nothing will work out,” then you need to reframe the situation. A great way to correct this unproductive thought pattern is to list the specific things that actually are going wrong or not working out. Most likely you will come up with just some things—not everything—and the scope of these stressors will look much more limited than it initially appeared.

They Breathe

The easiest way to make stress intermittent lies in something that you have to do everyday anyway: breathing. The practice of being in the moment with your breathing will begin to train your brain to focus solely on the task at hand and get the stress monkey off your back. When you’re feeling stressed, take a couple of minutes to focus on your breathing. Close the door, put away all other distractions, and just sit in a chair and breathe. The goal is to spend the entire time focused only on your breathing, which will prevent your mind from wandering. Think about how it feels to breathe in and out. This sounds simple, but it’s hard to do for more than a minute or two. It’s all right if you get sidetracked by another thought; this is sure to happen at the beginning, and you just need to bring your focus back to your breathing. If staying focused on your breathing proves to be a real struggle, try counting each breath in and out until you get to 20, and then start again from 1. Don’t worry if you lose count; you can always just start over.

This task may seem too easy or even a little silly, but you’ll be surprised by how calm you feel afterward and how much easier it is to let go of distracting thoughts that otherwise seem to have lodged permanently inside your brain.

They Use Their Support System

It’s tempting, yet entirely ineffective, to attempt tackling everything by yourself. To be calm and productive, you need to recognize your weaknesses and ask for help when you need it. This means tapping into your support system when a situation is challenging enough for you to feel overwhelmed. Everyone has someone at work and/or outside work who is on their team, rooting for them, and ready to help them get the best from a difficult situation. Identify these individuals in your life and make an effort to seek their insight and assistance when you need it. Something as simple as talking about your worries will provide an outlet for your anxiety and stress and supply you with a new perspective on the situation. Most of the time, other people can see a solution that you can’t because they are not as emotionally invested in the situation. Asking for help will mitigate your stress and strengthen your relationships with those you rely upon. 

Want to be more creative? This is the strategy Beethoven used

Whenever I run my management training programmes I always ask how many of the delegates consider themselves to be creative people. Only a small percentage feel they are and yet almost everyone has the capacity to be highly creative. This excellent article by Gregori Ciotti of Sparring Mind explains Beethoven`s strategy for creativity. If you are going to learn from anyone, you might aswell learn from the best!

Creativity does not rest on eureka moments — it is a process, designed to consistently bring abstract ideas into the tangible world.

For creatives, this emphasizes the importance of routines.

Random bits of profound inspiration are few and fleeting; consistent work in your craft requires a sustainable way to develop good ideas into great ones.

Recall the wise words from Chuck Close: “Amateurs sit and wait for inspiration, the rest of us just show up and go to work.”

Perhaps one of the best ways to improve your own processes is to study the masters. Thanks to books like "Daily Rituals," our desire to see what “go to work” means — by getting a peek into regular routines — has been thoroughly satiated.

Though the output of these creative geniuses is sometimes intimidating, how they conduct their work is often surprisingly easy to relate to. One such person I took inspiration from was Ludwig van Beethoven.

The Woods Are Lovely, Dark & Deep

Beethoven kept his creative promises by strategically using his time to incubate ideas. His favorite method of thinking things through? Long, solitary walks through the forested valleys of Vienna.

He placed great importance on this planned time for reflection and idea evaluation. It appears he wasn’t alone; notable craftsman the world over share similar sentiments on the utility of breaking up their day with walks.

Beethoven went for a vigorous walk after lunch, and he always carried a pencil and a couple of sheets of paper in his pocket, to record chance musical thoughts.

Gustav Mahler followed much the same routine — he would take a three- or four-hour walk after lunch, stopping to jot down ideas in his notebook. Benjamin Britten said that his afternoon walks were “where I plan out what I’m going to write in the next period at my desk.”

Recently, psychologists took an interesting step (or two) forward in understanding the creative benefits of walking — a Stanford studywas able to show that walking helped subjects produce more novel ideas and enhanced creative thinking during the walk and immediately after, compared to sitting.

As the title of the study so humorously points out, walking may be the missing ingredient to consistently give your new ideas some legs. There are a few reasons why walking is genuinely useful to the creative process:

1. The fact that walking is exercise. It has been well established that exercise is beneficial for thinking creatively. The key seems to be that exercise consistently improves one’s mood, and further studies on creativity show that working during a strong mood (especially a positive mood) will result in more novel ideas. Although walking isn’t strenuous, it is certainly better than being hunched over in a chair.

2. Allowing time to re-conceptualize. Notice how Beethoven and others used their walks as breaks. They didn’t start their day with incubation, they included it to break up an earlier work session where they had already put thought into a project. Eureka moments will remain illusive if the work isn’t done first: “In general, creativity seems to come when insight is combined with the hard work of analytical processing.”

3. A separation of stimuli. The use of stimulus control to change behavior is nothing new (often used by Dr. BJ Fogg, discussed here). But what if a strict association of external stimuli could help with creativity? Walks help create divide between a work environment and a thinking environment — engaging in both at your desk makes it a nebulous location where too many things happen at once.

In particular, the second and third points deserve a more thorough investigation. Let’s begin with why the separation of inspiration and execution seems to be a necessary part of the creative process.

Absorb State vs. Synthesis State

Given the often muddy nature of creativity, it is an understatement to say that I’ve greatly enjoyed the practical, down-to-earth advice from Harvard psychologist Dr. Shelly Carson.

In her book "Your Creative Brain," Dr. Carson highlights the importance of using strict boundaries between your absorb state (taking in and evaluating information) and your synthesis state (when you execute on your ideas). Her research has led her to believe that this is potentially the biggest roadblock to being consistently creative:

Everyone has a built-in censoring system in their brains that filters thoughts, images, and memories, and stimuli from the outside world before they reach conscious awareness.

Learning to loosen up this mental filtering system to allow more novel ideas and stimuli into conscious awareness is one of the biggest challenges for people who don’t think of themselves as creative.

She’s published research that shows how those capable of high creative achievement are benefited from a lower “latent inhibition” — they are less likely to ignore seemingly irrelevant stimuli. They absorb what others would filter out; whereas most people see a red wheelbarrow, some people see a Red Wheelbarrow.

Put another way, the absorb state is when you are open (playful thinking) to new ideas, and the synthesis state is when you are closed (logical thinking) in order to execute. Creating a clear boundary makes your creative process more consistent, by allowing you to schedule a system around creating rather than relying on serendipity.

Notice how this closely relates to the divide that walking creates. One might argue that a regular walk through Vienna’s woods was Beethoven’s preferred time to be open to new ideas; his scheduled hour for an absorb state to freely go down the rabbit hole.

Walking separates these two states of the creative process. It allows time to expand on what you’ve already worked on, and removes youfrom work so you can think clearly.

For the lay man, this creates a convincing argument that trying to force the entire process to occur at your desk is a mistake — separating work from consumption + incubation becomes far easier when the locations are different.

Perhaps it is time to quit your desk and do your best thinking somewhere else.

Don’t End Your Day Empty

Before I began a deeper investigation into creative thinking, it was my personal habit to always try to end the day “empty.” I would actively try to exhaust any project where I was making progress.

To my surprise, some writers like Ernest Hemingway ardently disagree with this, offering contrarian advice to instead never end your day empty:

I had learned already never to empty the well of my writing, but always to stop when there was still something there in the deep part of the well, and let it refill at night from the springs that fed it.

Stopping while you still have something to say allows you to start the next day knowing exactly where to begin.

Interesting how this all ties in to Hemingway’s closing ritual. With the next morning’s task already defined, Hemingway could do meaningful work as soon as he rose; as an avid walker himself, this also made his later afternoon walks all the more effective.

Many studies would argue that unstructured “daydreaming” isn’t as important to creativity as you might think; unconscious thought can only really be of any help when it has lots of information to incubate (in other words, only if you’ve worked on the problem extensively).

If you recall Beethoven’s and others schedules, most did not begin their day with incubation, most preferred to start with the work, just like Hemingway.

Perhaps not ending your day completely empty can relieve you of “what do I work on?” stress in the morning. You’ll also be able to begin the day doing the work needed to get to inspiration.

Stop before you are empty, define your goals the night before, and step away from problems midday with a contemplative walk — it might not turn you into a famous writer, but see if it doesn’t help with your creative process.

Getting Your Ideas Out to the World

One additional lesson I walked away with through exploring this topic was the reminder that creativity is nothing without creation.

Ideas, in this sense, are more like wishes. They would ideally result in creative output, but unless you can execute they will forever remain something that “could have been,” now relegated to the myriad of other things stuck in your head.

What use is inspiration if it never manifests into art? What’s the point of a thoughtful strategy if it’s never applied? What good are scientific insights if they aren’t fleshed out and published?

Remember to optimize both parts of the creative process; eureka moments be damned, you need a reliable way to think your best ideas through and then execute on them.

Creating is hard, but if you let it, your routine can become a strong ally in the struggle to consistently turn a blank canvas into something meaningful.

The 9 things rich people do differently everyday

“The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.” 
― Samuel Johnson

 Human beings are creatures of habit and we generally hate change, so once we have created a habit we are loathe to make changes. We like to operate on auto pilot for most of the day because it makes our lives easier. Wouldn't it be therefore a better strategy to build habits that empower us rather than limit us? If we want to be successful, the following article featured in Entrepreneur shows us how:-

What you do today matters. In fact, your daily habits may be a major determinant of your wealth.

"The metaphor I like is the avalanche," says Thomas Corley, the author of "Rich Habits: The Daily Success Habits Of Wealthy Individuals." "These habits are like snowflakes — they build up, and then you have an avalanche of success."

Corley spent five years studying the lives of both rich people (defined as having an annual income of $160,000 or more and a liquid net worth of $3.2 million or more) and poor people (defined as having an annual income of $35,000 or less and a liquid net worth of $5,000 or less).

He managed to segment out what he calls "rich habits" and "poverty habits," meaning the tendencies of those who fit in each group. But, Corley explains, everyone has some rich habits and some poverty habits. "The key is to get more than 50% to be rich habits," he says.

And what are those rich habits that are so influential? Here are a few:

1. Rich people always keep their goals in sight.
"I focus on my goals every day."
Rich people who agree: 62%
Poor people who agree: 6%

Not only do wealthy people set annual and monthly goals, but 67% of them put those goals in writing. "It blew me away," says Corley. "I thought a goal was a broad objective, but the wealthy said a wish is not a goal." A goal is only a goal, he says, if it has two things: It's achievable, and there's a physical action you can take to pursue it.

2. And they know what needs to be done today.
"I maintain a daily to-do list."
Rich people who agree: 81%
Poor people who agree: 19%

Not only do the wealthy keep to-do lists, but 67% of them complete 70% or more of those listed tasks each day. 

3. They don't watch TV.
"I watch TV one hour or less per day."
Rich people who agree: 67%
Poor people who agree: 23%

Similarly, only 6% of the wealthy watch reality shows, compared to 78% of the poor. "The common variable among the wealthy is how they make productive use of their time," explains Corley. "They wealthy are not avoiding watching TV because they have some superior human discipline or willpower. They just don't think about watching much TV because they are engaged in some other habitual daily behavior — reading."

4. They read … but not for fun.
"I love reading."
Rich people who agree: 86%
Poor people who agree: 26%

Sure, rich people love reading, but they favor nonfiction — in particular, self-improvement books. "The rich are voracious readers on how to improve themselves," says Corley. In fact, 88% of them read for self-improvement for 30 minutes each day, compared to 2% of poor people.

5. Plus, they're big into audio books.
"I listen to audio books during the commute to work."
Rich people who agree: 63%
Poor people who agree: 5%

Even if you aren't into audiobooks, you can make the most of your commute with any of these commute-friendly self-improvement activities.

6. They make a point of going above and beyond at the office.
"I do more than my job requires."
Rich people who agree: 81%
Poor people who agree: 17%

It's worth noting that while 86% of rich people (compared to 43% of poor) work an average of 50 or more hours a week, only 6% of the wealthy people surveyed found themselves unhappy because of work.

7. They aren't hoping to win the jackpot.
"I play the lottery regularly."
Rich people who agree: 6%
Poor people who agree: 77%

That's not to say that the wealthy are always playing it safe with their money. "Most of these people were business owners who put their own money on the table and took financial risks," explains Corley. "People like this aren't afraid to take risks."

8. They watch their waistline.
"I count calories every day."
Rich people who agree: 57%
Poor people who agree: 5%

Wealthy people value their health, says Corley. "One of the individuals in my study was about 68 and worth about $78 million. I asked why he didn't retire, and he looked at me like I was from Mars. He said, 'I've spent the last 45 years exercising every single day and watching what I eat because I knew the end of my career would be my biggest earning years.' If he can extend his career four to five years beyond everyone else, that's about $7 million for him."

9. And they take care of their smiles.
"I floss every day."
Rich people who agree: 62%
Poor people who agree: 16%

Enough said.

This will help you develop the right habits........

(Source: Libby Kane)

Laughter is the Best Medicine

The Health Benefits of Humor and Laughter

Humor is infectious. The sound of roaring laughter is far more contagious than any cough, sniffle, or sneeze. When laughter is shared, it binds people together and increases happiness and intimacy. Laughter also triggers healthy physical changes in the body. Humor and laughter strengthen your immune system, boost your energy, diminish pain, and protect you from the damaging effects of stress. Best of all, this priceless medicine is fun, free, and easy to use

“Your sense of humor is one of the most powerful tools you have to make certain that your daily mood and emotional state support good health.”

~ Paul E. McGhee, Ph.D.

Laughter is a powerful antidote to stress, pain, and conflict. Nothing works faster or more dependably to bring your mind and body back into balance than a good laugh. Humor lightens your burdens, inspires hopes, connects you to others, and keeps you grounded, focused, and alert.

With so much power to heal and renew, the ability to laugh easily and frequently is a tremendous resource for surmounting problems, enhancing your relationships, and supporting both physical and emotional health.

Laughter is good for your health

• Laughter relaxes the whole body. A good, hearty laugh relieves physical tension and stress, leaving your muscles relaxed for up to 45 minutes after.
• Laughter boosts the immune system. Laughter decreases stress hormones and increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies, thus improving your resistance to disease.
• Laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals. Endorphins promote an overall sense of well-being and can even temporarily relieve pain.
• Laughter protects the heart. Laughter improves the function of blood vessels and increases blood flow, which can help protect you against a heart attack and other cardiovascular problems.

Laughter makes you feel good. And the good feeling that you get when you laugh remains with you even after the laughter subsides. Humor helps you keep a positive, optimistic outlook through difficult situations, disappointments, and loss.

Laughter and humor help you stay emotionally healthy

More than just a respite from sadness and pain, laughter gives you the courage and strength to find new sources of meaning and hope. Even in the most difficult of times, a laugh–or even simply a smile–can go a long way toward making you feel better. And laughter really is contagious—just hearing laughter primes your brain and readies you to smile and join in the fun.

The link between laughter and mental health

• Laughter dissolves distressing emotions. You can’t feel anxious, angry, or sad when you’re laughing.
• Laughter helps you relax and recharge. It reduces stress and increases energy, enabling you to stay focused and accomplish more.
• Humor shifts perspective, allowing you to see situations in a more realistic, less threatening light. A humorous perspective creates psychological distance, which can help you avoid feeling overwhelmed.

The social benefits of humor and laughter

Humor and playful communication strengthen our relationships by triggering positive feelings and fostering emotional connection. When we laugh with one another, a positive bond is created. This bond acts as a strong buffer against stress, disagreements, and disappointment.

Laughing with others is more powerful than laughing alone

Creating opportunities to laugh

• Watch a funny movie or TV show.
• Go to a comedy club.
• Read the funny pages.
• Seek out funny people.
• Share a good joke or a funny story.
• Check out your bookstore’s humor section.
• Host game night with friends.
• Play with a pet.
• Go to a “laughter yoga” class.
• Goof around with children.
• Do something silly.
• Make time for fun activities (e.g. bowling, miniature golfing, karaoke).

Shared laughter is one of the most effective tools for keeping relationships fresh and exciting. All emotional sharing builds strong and lasting relationship bonds, but sharing laughter and play also adds joy, vitality, and resilience. And humor is a powerful and effective way to heal resentments, disagreements, and hurts. Laughter unites people during difficult times.

Incorporating more humor and play into your daily interactions can improve the quality of your love relationships— as well as your connections with co-workers, family members, and friends. Using humor and laughter in relationships allows you to:

• Be more spontaneous. Humor gets you out of your head and away from your troubles.
• Let go of defensiveness. Laughter helps you forget judgments, criticisms, and doubts.
• Release inhibitions. Your fear of holding back and holding on are set aside.
• Express your true feelings. Deeply felt emotions are allowed to rise to the surface.

Bringing more humor and laughter into your life

Want more laughter in your life? Get a pet…

Most of us have experienced the joy of playing with a furry friend, and pets are a rewarding way to bring more laughter and joy into your life. But did you know that having a pet is good for your mental and physical health? Studies show that pets can protect you depression, stress, and even heart disease.

Laughter is your birthright, a natural part of life that is innate and inborn. Infants begin smiling during the first weeks of life and laugh out loud within months of being born. Even if you did not grow up in a household where laughter was a common sound, you can learn to laugh at any stage of life.

Begin by setting aside special times to seek out humor and laughter, as you might with working out, and build from there. Eventually, you’ll want to incorporate humor and laughter into the fabric of your life, finding it naturally in everything you do.

Here are some ways to start:

• Smile. Smiling is the beginning of laughter. Like laughter, it’s contagious. Pioneers in “laugh therapy,” find it’s possible to laugh without even experiencing a funny event. The same holds for smiling. When you look at someone or see something even mildly pleasing, practice smiling.
• Count your blessings. Literally make a list. The simple act of considering the good things in your life will distance you from negative thoughts that are a barrier to humor and laughter. When you’re in a state of sadness, you have further to travel to get to humor and laughter.
• When you hear laughter, move toward it. Sometimes humor and laughter are private, a shared joke among a small group, but usually not. More often, people are very happy to share something funny because it gives them an opportunity to laugh again and feed off the humor you find in it. When you hear laughter, seek it out and ask, “What’s funny?”
• Spend time with fun, playful people. These are people who laugh easily–both at themselves and at life’s absurdities–and who routinely find the humor in everyday events. Their playful point of view and laughter are contagious.
• Bring humor into conversations. Ask people, “What’s the funniest thing that happened to you today? This week? In your life?”

Developing your sense of humor: Take yourself less seriously

One essential characteristic that helps us laugh is not taking ourselves too seriously. We’ve all known the classic tight-jawed sourpuss who takes everything with deathly seriousness and never laughs at anything. No fun there!

Some events are clearly sad and not occasions for laughter. But most events in life don’t carry an overwhelming sense of either sadness or delight. They fall into the gray zone of ordinary life–giving you the choice to laugh or not.

Ways to help yourself see the lighter side of life:

• Laugh at yourself. Share your embarrassing moments. The best way to take yourself less seriously is to talk about times when you took yourself too seriously.
• Attempt to laugh at situations rather than bemoan them. Look for the humor in a bad situation, and uncover the irony and absurdity of life. This will help improve your mood and the mood of those around you.
• Surround yourself with reminders to lighten up. Keep a toy on your desk or in your car. Put up a funny poster in your office. Choose a computer screensaver that makes you laugh. Frame photos of you and your family or friends having fun.
• Keep things in perspective. Many things in life are beyond your control—particularly the behavior of other people. While you might think taking the weight of the world on your shoulders is admirable, in the long run it’s unrealistic, unproductive, unhealthy, and even egotistical.
• Deal with your stress. Stress is a major impediment to humor and laughter.
• Pay attention to children and emulate them. They are the experts on playing, taking life lightly, and laughing.

Checklist for lightening up

When you find yourself taken over by what seems to be a horrible problem, ask these questions:

• Is it really worth getting upset over?
• Is it worth upsetting others?
• Is it that important?

• Is it that bad?
• Is the situation irreparable?
• Is it really your problem?

Using humor and play to overcome challenges and enhance your life

The ability to laugh, play, and have fun with others not only makes life more enjoyable but also helps you solve problems, connect with others, and be more creative. People who incorporate humor and play into their daily lives find that it renews them and all of their relationships.

Life brings challenges that can either get the best of you or become playthings for your imagination. When you “become the problem” and take yourself too seriously, it can be hard to think outside the box and find new solutions. But when you play with the problem, you can often transform it into an opportunity for creative learning.

Playing with problems seems to come naturally to children. When they are confused or afraid, they make their problems into a game, giving them a sense of control and an opportunity to experiment with new solutions. Interacting with others in playful ways helps you retain this creative ability.

Here are two examples of people who took everyday problems and turned them around through laughter and play:

Roy, a semi-retired businessman, was excited to finally have time to devote to golf, his favorite sport. But the more he played, the less he enjoyed himself. Although his game had improved dramatically, he got angry with himself over every mistake. Roy wisely realized that his golfing buddies affected his attitude, so he stopped playing with people who took the game too seriously. When he played with friends who focused more on having fun than on their scores, he was less critical of himself. Now golfing was as enjoyable as Roy hoped it would be. He scored better without working harder. And the brighter outlook he was getting from his companions and the game spread to other parts of his life, including his work.

Jane worked at home designing greeting cards, a job she used to love but now felt had become routine. Two little girls who loved to draw and paint lived next door. Eventually, Jane invited the girls in to play with all the art supplies she had. At first, she just watched, but in time she joined in. Laughing, coloring, and playing pretend with the little girls transformed Jane’s life. Not only did playing with them end her loneliness and mild boredom, it sparked her imagination and helped her artwork flourish. Best of all, it rekindled the playfulness and spark in Jane’s relationship with her husband.

As laughter, humor, and play become an integrated part of your life, your creativity will flourish and new discoveries for playing with friends, coworkers, acquaintances, and loved ones will occur to you daily. Humor takes you to a higher place where you can view the world from a more relaxed, positive, creative, joyful, and balanced perspective.

Source:Melinda Smith, M.A., and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D

Now it`s your turn! Do yourself a favour and watch this.......

13 Ways To Teach Yourself To Be More Confident

If you study the world`s most successful people you will find that no matter how diverse their fields of success are they have several things in common. The key attribute of confidence being one of them. In the following article, Becky Blalock identifies some strategies that really work to improve your confidence levels:-

"Are you as confident as you'd like to be? Few people would answer "yes" to that question. But, according to Becky Blalock, author and former Fortune 500 executive, anyone can learn to be more confident. And it's a skill we can teach ourselves.

Begin by forgetting the notion that confidence, leadership, and public speaking are abilities people are born with. In fact, research shows that being shy and cautious is the natural human state. "That's how people in early times lived to pass on their genes, so it's in our gene pool," she says. "You had to be cautious to survive. But the things they needed to worry about then are not the things we need to worry about today."

How do you teach yourself to be more confident? Here's Blalock's advice:

1. Put your thoughts in their place.

The average human has 65,000 thoughts every day, Blalock says, and 85 to 90 percent of them are negative--things to worry about or fear. "They're warnings to yourself," Blalock says, and left over from our cave-dwelling past. It makes sense--if we stick our hand in a flame our brain wants to make sure we don't ever do that again. But this survival mechanism works against us because it causes us to focus on fears rather than hopes or dreams.

The point is to be aware that your brain works this way, and keep that negativity in proportion. "What you have to realize is your thoughts are just thoughts," Blalock says. They don't necessarily represent objective reality.

2. Begin at the end.

"There are so many people that I've asked, 'What do you want to do? What do you want to be?' and they would say, 'I don't know,'" Blalock says. "Knowing what you want is the key. Everything else you do should be leading you where you want to go."

3. Start with gratitude.

Begin the day by thinking about some of the things you have to be grateful for, Blalock advises. "Most of the 7 billion people in the world won't have the opportunities you do," she says. "If you start out with that perspective, you'll be in the right frame of mind for the rest of the day."

4. Take a daily step outside your comfort zone.

There's a funny thing about comfort zones. If we step outside them on a regular basis, they expand. If we stay within them, they shrink. Avoid getting trapped inside a shrinking comfort zone by pushing yourself to do things that are outside it.

We've all had experiences where we've done something that terrified us, and then discovered it wasn't so bad. In Blalock's case, she was visiting a military base and had gotten to the top of the parachute-training tower for a practice jump. "They had me all hooked up, and I said, 'I'm sorry, I can't do this, I have a small child at home,'" she recalls.

"The guy took his foot and pushed me off the tower. When I got out there I realized it wasn't that bad."

We won't always have someone standing by to kick us out of our comfort zones, so we have to do it for ourselves. "Just act!" Blalock says.

5. Remember: Dogs don't chase parked cars.

If you're running into opposition, questions, and doubts, there's probably a good reason--you're going somewhere. That doesn't mean you should ignore warning signs, but it does mean you should put those negatives in perspective. If you don't make changes, and challenge the status quo, no one will ever object to anything you do.

6. Get ready to bounce back.

"It's not failure that destroys our confidence, it's not getting back up," Blalock says. "Once we get back up, we've learned what doesn't work and we can give it another try." Blalock points out that the baseball players with the biggest home run records also have the biggest strikeout records. Taking more swings gets you where you want to go.

7. Find a mentor.

Whatever you've set out to do, there are likely others who've done it first and can offer you useful advice or at least serve as role models. Find those people and learn as much from them as you can.

8. Choose your companions wisely.

"Your outlook -- negative or positive -- will be the average of the five people you spend the most time with," Blalock says. "So be careful who you hang out with. Make sure you're hanging out with people who encourage you and lift you up."

When she quit her C-suite job to write books, she adds, some people were aghast and predicted that no one would read them while others were quite encouraging. It didn't take her long to figure out that the encouraging friends were the ones she should gravitate toward.

9. Do your homework.

In almost any situation, preparation can help boost your confidence. Have to give a speech? Practice it several times, record yourself, and listen. Meeting people for the first time? Check them and their organizations out on the Web, and check their social media profiles as well. "If you're prepared you will be more confident," Blalock says. "The Internet makes it so easy."

10. Get plenty of rest and exercise.

There's ample evidence by now that getting enough sleep, exercise, and good nutrition profoundly affects both your mood and your effectiveness. "Just moderate exercise three times a week for 20 minutes does so much for the hippocampus and is more effective than anything else for warding off Alzheimer's and depression," Blalock says. "Yet it always falls of the list when we're prioritizing. While there are many things we can delegate, exercise isn't one of them. If there were a way to do that, I would have figured it out by now."

11. Breathe!

"This one is so simple," Blalock says. "If you breathe heavily, it saturates your brain with oxygen and makes you more awake and aware. It's very important in a tense situation because it will make you realize that you control your body, and not your unconscious mind. If you're not practicing breathing, you should be."

12. Be willing to fake it.

No, you shouldn't pretend to have qualifications or experience that you don't. But if you have most of the skills you need and can likely figure out the rest, don't hang back. One company did a study to discover why fewer of its female employees were getting promotions than men. It turned out not to be so much a matter of bias as of confidence: If a man had about half the qualifications for a posted job he'd be likely to apply for it, while a woman would be likelier to wait till she had most or all of them. Don't hold yourself back by assuming you need to have vast experience for a job or a piece of business before you go after it.

13. Don't forget to ask for help.

"Don't assume people know what you want," Blalock says. "You have to figure out what that is, and then educate them."

Once people know what you want, and that you want their help, you may be surprised at how forthcoming they are. "People are really flattered when you ask for advice and support," she says. "If someone says no you can always ask someone else. But in my experience, they rarely say no."

One important factor lacking in Blalock`s article is the phenomenal power of visualisation. Check out this interview with Jim Carrey explaining to Oprah Winfrey how he used visualisation to achieve his success:-