"37, The Age When Men Are At Their Happiest?"

According to the latest research life begins at 37 for men!

"It's the age at which many have established themselves on the career
ladder and started a family.

And it seems that 37 is when most men feel happiest, too.

A survey has revealed that by the time they have reached their late 30s,
the majority of men are in a happy relationship and have formed close
circle of friends with which to socialise.

The poll found that 43% of the 1,000 questioned said becoming a father
was the happiest day of their lives, followed by getting married (35%).

Phillip Hodson, fellow of the British Association for Counseling and
Psychotherapy, said men of 37 typically benefit from health and life
experience.

He said: 'It would be logical to think that men would be happier when
they are younger, when they are fitter and healthier.
'As men get older they become more prone to illness and more feeble.

'At 37, you are young enough not to be disillusioned by life, which
comes with the midlife crisis.

'But you are also old enough to have developed self-confidence, earned
some respect and authority and to have a sense of achievement.' "

Top moments in a man's life

1. Becoming a parent (43 per cent)

2. Getting married (35 per cent)

3. Seeing his favourite sports team winning the league (18 per cent)

4. Buying a new house (17 per cent)

5. Seeing a country sports team win a significant title (14 per cent)

6. Proposing to a partner (13 per cent)

7. Graduating/finishing full time education (9 per cent)

8. Buying a new car (7 per cent)

Source:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2226289/Life-begins-37-Men-happiest-age-having-climbed-career-ladder-started-family.html


O.K. so that`s what the research concludes, and many people will believe it, but here`s a better, more empowering belief:-

You decide when life begins - you can have it now, however old or young you are. Some people are hanging in there waiting for life to get better, waiting for "something" to happen and then they will be happy. Supposing it doesn`t? How long have you got? 

Happiness is your birthright - claim it now. 

Life will only change when you change, and until you change nothing changes.

Why not decide to make every moment count? After all, you just don`t know how long you`ve got. 
I strongly advise watching this clip of Randy Pausch giving his last lecture (preferably the full length version)

Why New Year`s Resolutions Fail!

Since my last blog post about focusing on the power of goals in the last post, I have heard countless people jump on the "New Year Resolution" bandwagon making lists of things that we know statistically they won`t achieve! I have overheard countless conversations about what people are going to "really try to do this year" - meaning of course they have attempted the same things last year (and probably the year before!)

If this sounds like you, then here is something very useful I came across from Mark Peysha  (Robbins-Madanes Training):-


"When I make a New Years Resolution, I convert it into a Game Plan. Why? Because Resolutions have a reputation for not happening, right? If you want a resolution to work, it needs to be focused, action-based, and strategic.

Focused: make it about changing ONE thing at a time. The more specific, the better.
Action-based: commit to DOING something measurable. Talk is cheap, action is priceless.
Strategic: you are changing an existing system in your life. Be smart about how you do it.

Let's take a typical resolution - for instance "I want to lose 10 pounds."
Now, let's make it focused and action based. You do this by asking yourself: what's ONE action I can take consistently this month to help me lose weight?

Feel the difference? You're focusing on ONE concrete action now, the action that will make the biggest difference. Now, most people trying to change their eating habits have a "weak point" in their day where their willpower fails them. You want to protect yourself from that. If you're going to change one thing, try changing that one weak point. Let's say that your weak point is that, when you get home from work, you too many cookies.
Resolution: "Stop eating so many cookies."

Great. That's a more focused resolution. So now let's set up a game plan.

Game plan: set up my life so that I don't eat cookies after work.
-> eat a quality protein meal and hydrate before coming home.
-> do something else that's enjoyable before coming back from work.
-> get rid of cookies in the house, stock up on quality snacks.
-> what need am I meeting by eating cookies? What's a better way to meet that need? Do that.
-> how can I celebrate every day, and every week, that I succeed (in a non-food way)?

See the difference? Here's another one.

Resolution: "I need to stop procrastinating and write my book."

Game plan: Commit to writing 2 pages of my book per workday, during a "ritual time" that will not change. If I fail to sit down and write for at least 30 minutes, as a consequence I will write a check for $10 to my favorite charity. The next time I fail to write my 2 pages, I write a check for $20, then $40, then $80, and so on. Eventually I'm either really motivated to write, or I'm helping a lot of people! Continue this until I have 100 pages. (This is a win-win strategy: either I write and help myself or I fail to write and help others). At 100 pages this game plan stops, and I shift to editing the book.

See the difference? Do you think you could you make one of your New Years Resolutions more powerful by converting it into a Game Plan? Absolutely."

It`s simple and it works. No excuses!

Who DARES Wins! - The power of goals

So, how was your 2012? Did you achieve your goals?Did you even set any goals? The beauty of this time of year is that it provides us with another clean sheet. Whatever has happened in the previous 12 months doesn`t matter any more. You can start afresh! Of course, any time is a good time to start over or change tack, but the beginning of a new year gives us a logical springboard. 

Most people are familiar with making New Year`s resolutions and most of us know they very often fail. In fact, statistically by January 15th, 95% of resolutions have already been broken! The difference between a resolution and goal setting is what goes into it. Setting goals isn`t just creating a "wish list" and "hoping" they will just happen. Goal setting is a skill that needs to be learned and mastered.

There are many reasons why people fail to achieve their goals, one of which I highlighted in the last blog post. Dr. Maxwell Maltz in his ground breaking book, Psycho Cybernetics:-suggested 3 more-

Insincerity
Imprecision
Incongruence

Insincerity - Some people fall into the trap of setting goals they feel they "should" set, because of peer pressure and consequently are never really that committed to their achievement. They make a half- hearted attempt and then quickly give up when the going gets tough. Goals need to be uniquely personal to you.

Imprecision - If a goal isn`t clearly defined and understood by the subconscious mechanism of the brain it will be very difficult to achieve. Any goal needs to stated with absolute clarity. in very specific, precise terms.

Incongruence - This is probably the most common reason goal setting often fails for people. If the goal you seek is not in alignment with your values and self image, you will never achieve it. If you are a sales person for example, who historically has always performed at a certain level of sales per year and you wanted to double your sales volume and therefore your commission, you would need to work on your self image first, to ensure that you felt you were the kind of person who could do that.

You can never consistently outperform the level of your own self image.

In future posts I will get more into the mechanics of the goal setting process, but as long as you make a decision as to what you actually want and you are sincerely committed, precise and congruent, the most important thing is to conquer your fears and take ACTION!

 The time is now!

"212 Degrees - The Power of the Extra Degree!"

What stops most people achieving the success they are looking for? Why does traditional goal setting often not work for people? In many cases we are put off setting big goals because we can`t imagine ever achieving them. We are told to aim high and set big, audacious goals because they are inspirational, but then our rational minds often fail to visualise their accomplishment because they are too big! Has this happened to you? If so, use the simple strategy of taking small steps. Lao Tzu said,
"A journey of a thousand miles begins with one small step".

 In my management and personal development training programmes I often talk about the Japanese concept of "Kaizen" or continuous improvement, which uses small incremental steps to improvement, rather than expecting quantum leaps. Anyone can make small changes. If you make enough of them you achieve great things. Just do a little, and then do a little bit more.

When I ran my first (and coincidentally, my last!) marathon, I was completely spent by 23 miles. I had "hit the wall" and had nothing left in the tank. I couldn`t conceive of running a further 3 miles! But I could run to the next lamp post, and then the next tree and then the next street corner. By breaking it into manageable chunks in my mind I eventually completed the course.

Great success and achievement is often the bye product of small steps. Doing a little bit more. When you`ve done enough, do a little bit more. Go the extra mile, put in the extra degree of effort. This is what separates the winners and losers. The difference between winning and losing is often much smaller than you think. Break your big goal down into bite sized pieces. You`ll be amazed what you can achieve.

"Loving what you do"

I was sipping a cappucino yesterday in Zurich airport reflecting on a presentation I had just given to the marketing department of a large global company. During the course of which I talked about being passionate about what you do. The talk was well received and everyone was very happy with the outcome and I got some very positive feedback. While waiting for my flight back to Heathrow it struck me that many people are locked into jobs and situations that they are not passionate about and that they don`t love. Henry David Thoreau once said, "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation".

I feel extremely fortunate to do what I do. I love doing it and wouldn`t want to do anything else. I decided many years ago that I wasn`t going to spend my life following someone else`s dream and if I really wasn`t happy pursuing a career, then I would  change it. I used to love teaching, right up to the point when I lost my love for it and the challenge dissipated. I then made the decision to leave teaching and pursue something that did challenge and fulfill me. 

The cynics would say that it`s not that easy to just change career paths just because you don`t like it. Who said it was easy? My belief is that you have one life. Think very carefully about how you want to live it. Why not ask discover what you are passionate about? What do you really love to do? Could you make a living pursuing that passion? Surely it`s worth asking the question?

So, what is it that you feel passionate about? Maybe this video might help....

How great can you be?

Yesterday I was running a Customer Service programme for a top healthcare company and I was talking about the importance of striving for excellence in what we do. I asked the group how many of them believed they were excellent in their roles within the organisation. Only a handful of people raised their hands. Of course, we have to factor in the British reserve and modesty, but it made me wonder how many of us have excellence as a goal in our lives. If you `re going to do a job for 5 days out of 7 and work for most of your life, doesn`t it make sense to strive to be excellent in what you do? You`ll get more job satisfaction, feel a sense of pride and possible make more money. So many of us are content to tolerate mediocrity. One of the delegates even suggested I lower my expectations so as not to be disappointed!! What do you think?

"Being late for your own funeral!"

One of the fundamental prerequisites of living a life to the full is actually turning up! As Woody Allen famously said, "80 percent of success is just showing up".

I would add to that showing up on time. I recently needed a plumbing job done in my house,

“I’ll come over at 11.00am”, said the plumber. Needless to say, 11.00am came and went. No plumber and no phone call. After chasing him for a couple of days,

“Sorry about that. I’ll be over tomorrow at 2.00pm”. 

Guess what? No plumber and no phone call. Several more phone messages later and still no response. Without giving all tradesmen a bad name, what the hell is going on?? Is it just me asking too much?

I was running a Customer Service course for a Health Care provider last week and was talking about the critical importance of delivering products and services on time and yes, I admittedly had a little rant at some people’s inability to be on time, when one of the delegates accused me of “nitpicking”, while another said I should lower my expectations so as not to be disappointed! Can you believe that?

Maybe it’s because of the work I do that I notice more deficiencies? But I’m sure I’m not the only one who finds it totally unacceptable. Why is it so difficult for people to be on time?

I was driving to Norwich to visit a friend at the and I turned the radio on to hear,

“Stay with us after the news when we’ll be talking about people who are always late….”

This should be interesting, I thought. Sure enough the first caller exclaimed,

“Yes, I’m always late for everything! I drive my husband mad!”

And what’s worse she said it with an element of pride as if it was something to brag about. Clearly her loving husband was not a priority in her life. This kind of issue can be a “deal breaker” in relationships. I had a ex girlfriend who, no matter how much time we had to prepare for an evening out, always contrived to be just a little late. I would often be in the car waiting while she was still deciding which dress to wear!

Do you know people like this? It is as prevalent in business relationships as social ones. You know the kind of people who say they’ll get back to you and never do. They say they’ll ring you back and never do. They say they’ll e mail you and never do. They fall into the category of what I call “Flaky”. The kind of people you just know you can’t rely on.

Is it me being a nitpicker or is it hugely disrespectful of people’s time to be late or not turn up at all?

One of the callers on the radio show said he had asked one of his best friends to do a reading at his wedding. Guess what? He missed the reading, I fact he was so late he missed the entire ceremony!

Your time is your most valuable commodity. Please don’t let others waste it by keeping you endlessly waiting. The essence of integrity in your social or business life is simple:-

Do what you say you are going to do, when you say you are going to do it.

Is it just me? Please let me know if you have the same experiences.

(By the way, the plumber......... yep, still waiting.)