"The top 5 Regrets of the dying" - Number 3

Here is the third major regret recorded by Bronnie Ware  an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives:-

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feeling

"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

Why is it that we angst so much about letting people know how we feel? The bitterness and resentment Ware is referring to is all self inflicted and ultimately so unnecessary. As you are reading this right now I`ll bet there is someone in your life you are not being truly honest with. You may be desperate to tell them how you are really feeling but are frightened of the consequences. In the meantime it is just eating you up. Imagine how you would feel, how liberating it would be to be living a  truly authentic life?

If you love someone, tell them. If you`re upset by someone, tell them. That doesn`t mean get angry or judgemental, it means expressing your feelings. Anger often develops over time when the real issue hasn`t been addressed and eventually you explode. You know the kind of big "clear the air" arguments many people feel are "good" things. My belief is that if we learned to communicate better and express how we really are feeling then we wouldn`t need"clear the air" arguments. What do you think?

The more we suppress our true feelings, the more damage we do to ourselves and our relationships. The following article reinforces this idea in a profound way:-

"If you do not bring forth what is within you, it will destroy you. But, if you bring forth what is within you, it will heal you "(from the Gospel of St. Thomas)

"All emotions can either be expressed or suppressed. When you express them constructively, they tend to lose their power over you, even if it's just talking about it, writing about it, or even banging a pillow on your bed and shouting about it! You are releasing the feelings, but without causing harm to anybody.

When you suppress your emotions, one of two things can happen:

• They can churn away inside of you building up till they burst out like the steam from a pressure cooker.

• Or they can turn on your body and show up as disease and illness.

There is plenty of research to suggest that holding onto negative emotions is at the root of many illnesses, which means that letting go of these emotions could have an amazing impact on our health.

Studies have shown that people who have what's called 'non-verbal type 2 personalities', i.e. shy and non assertive, have a greater prevalence of tumours than other personality types - because shyness is associated with the suppressing of emotions, particularly negative ones, like anger and resentment.

Reverend Michael Barry, PhD, of The Cancer Treatment Centers of America, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, showed that almost two-thirds of cancer patients identified forgiveness as a personal issue for them, and that 1 in 3 of them had severe forgiveness issues. They were holding onto their resentment and their anger, their bitterness, and it was literally eating away at them. 

I'm not saying that's true for everyone who has cancer, but it is certainly something to consider.

In his book,' How Your Mind can Heal Your Body', David Hamilton talks about the 'Hard Marriage Hard Heart' study in Utah in 2006. The study found that couples who were supportive and caring towards each other had healthier hearts and arteries than those who were hostile and unforgiving towards each other.

I know many people have a big issue with the word forgiveness, but I see forgiveness as the same thing as letting go. Some people see forgiving as 'giving', giving something to the person who has wronged them so 'letting go' instead may be a different thing for them entirely. You don't have to 'give' anything to anyone then - unless it's to yourself.

So just think about it - letting go of emotions that we've suppressed could be a major prevention of cancer - which is very significant when you learn that 24% of deaths in the UK and 23% in the US are caused by cancer.

I have a favourite quote:

"Holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill your enemies" (Unknown),

By holding onto resentment and anger - and if they're suppressed, you really are holding onto them - you are, literally, poisoning yourselves, because these negative emotions release cortisol and adrenalin. Cortisol and adrenalin are hormones, which, in excess, can lead to all sorts of illnesses and potentially damaging changes in your body, like a depressed immune system: Have you noticed how certain conditions flare up in you when you're stressed, or run down, and you get a cold, or your psoriasis, eczema, irritable bowel, or back pain flares up? I used to get really bad mouth ulcers when I was stressed - I don't any more!

You can even put on weight, because cortisol can lower your metabolic rate - and lead to more fat deposits around your waist.

There are other health risks too: You could also suffer forgetfulness; have difficulties in learning new things; have a reduction in bone density so your bones can become brittle..

..Surely it's time for us to let go of these emotions, express them, and let them out in a constructive and non-harmful way because the implications for your own health and for the health of the whole world, especially the developed world, are staggering!"

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6538163 Laura Jordan

I know that traditionally it has been O.K. for women to be more "emotional" and men have been conditioned to bottle things up and not let their emotions show, but I believe things are changing and more and more men are allowing themselves the freedom to express their feelings. What do you think? Any comments welcome.


Here`s a man expressing his feelings!