FEARLESS LIVING!: "The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying"

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness."

Here are some interesting research on what makes us happy:-

Want to know how to be happy in life? Your genes and your upbringing have already done a lot of the work. But there's more to the story.

Is your happiness within your control? Is making the correct choices in life—choosing a spouse, a career, a lifestyle—the best way to be happy in life? Or is your level of happiness pretty much hardwired, a product of your genes and your childhood experience? We'd all like to know how to be happy in life, and there's more at stake than our psychological well-being. As positive psychology research has shown, happiness has an impact on our physical health, as well.

THE DETAILS: In the mid-’90s, social scientist Ed Diener, PhD, pointed to a mountain of research suggesting that people have a “set point” level of happiness that remains relatively stable throughout life, regardless of the events they experience or the choices they make. He cited the fact that most people’s characteristic level of happiness is only temporarily affected by life events. Whether someone wins the lottery or suffers a life-altering injury, within about a year, that person tends to revert back to his or her preexisting level of well-being. And identical twins raised by the same parents tend to be almost identical in how happy they are as adults, regardless of the choices they've made in life. When it comes to being a happy adult, genes and childhood experiences have a powerful influence. So, according to set point theory, the way to be happy in life is to pick your parents well, because it’s their genes and their parenting that ultimately predetermine how happy you’ll be throughout your life.

But this is not the way we like to think of ourselves. We have freedom. We believe that our life choices affect how happy we will be. We choose jobs, spouses, and lifestyles believing that making wise choices will make us happier. In the years since Diener’s research, psychologists have found there are many choices we make that really do impact our happiness. While they acknowledge the impact of genes and personality, they have found the life choices we make account for about 40% of our happiness.

This understanding fits with my experience. Every day, I see how the choices my clients make have an impact on their long-term happiness. When they embrace a healthy lifestyle, including daily exercise, their energy and happiness skyrocket. When they make a career move that allows more quality time with family and friends, their life becomes more fulfilling.

The world’s largest study to date of the long-term effect of life choices on happiness highlights that we really do have the ability to make ourselves happier. The research, published last year in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Science, involved 60,000 Germans between the ages of 25 and 64 who were surveyed periodically between 1984 to 2008. The researchers found that many of the participants became significantly more or less happy with their lives over the course of the study period. Although the evidence was gathered in only one country, previous research has indicated that levels of happiness found in one developed country almost invariably replicate in others.

• People whose life goals focus on family and helping others tend to be happier than those whose priorities are primarily making money and career advancement.

• People whose spouses are emotionally healthy tend to be happier than those whose spouses are emotionally troubled.

• Respondents who work just about the number of hours a week they prefer, neither too many nor too few, tend to be happier than those who work too much or too little.

• People who go to church and exercise regularly tend to be happier than those who don’t.

• And finally, those with more social connections tend to be happier than those with fewer.

WHAT IT MEANS: OK, it’s empowering to know that the choices you make can substantially influence your long-term happiness. But beyond that, this research has implications for how we deal with sadness and depression. With rates of depression increasing dramatically in developing countries, there is a move toward seeing it as a chemical imbalance that should be treated with drugs. It’s important to realize that your mood is not only a product of biology and chemistry, and that life choices have a powerful impact on your mood and long-term happiness.

Here are some strategies to help you achieve long-term happiness.

• Marry well. If you haven’t yet tied the knot, take your time and make sure your partner is right for you. Studies show the best predictor of lasting marriages is the age at which the partners married. Those who wait a little longer are more likely to stay together. If your potential partner is troubled, don’t assume things will get better once you are married.

• Care for others. We all need to pay our bills, but if we focus too much on making money and getting ahead, we miss out on the joy of living. Caring for others, whether by doing volunteer and charity work, or being there when friends and family need your help, can be a great source of joy.

• Don’t overwork. Even if you have to work hard to make ends meet, give yourself a little time to smell the roses. Besides affecting your happiness, being a workaholic has an impact on your health.

• Exercise. Make regular aerobic exercise a part of your life. That includes not only planned exercise, such as walking, jogging, or hitting the gym, but also making sure you include some kind of physical activity in each day's routine.

• Go to church. The study didn’t separate religious beliefs from the benefits of spirituality and of being part of an organized group. But there does seem to be some connection between happiness and spiritual belief. Determine what nurtures your spiritual life, whether it's communing with nature, participating in religious rituals with a group, praying, meditating, or volunteering to help others.

• Socialize. Happy people have rich connections with friends and family. When you're going through tough times, having a social support network to lean on makes a big difference. Do what it takes to stay in touch with the people who are important to you.

Source: Jeffrey Rossman PhD

Life is too short - choose happiness!